


little do you know (i need a little more time)

by breakthesewallsdown



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I suck at tags, Mutual Pining, Post 2X06, but happy ending as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 08:26:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8616742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakthesewallsdown/pseuds/breakthesewallsdown
Summary: just a post-2x06 drabble where they're both pining and miserable and alex kind of tries dating but, like, maggie ??





	

**Author's Note:**

> Eh. This is my first time writing Sanvers and I have no idea how it went? But oh well, I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> This ship will be the end of me, I swear to God.

Eleven days. 

It’s been eleven days since Alex went to the bar. Eleven days since she stupidly kissed Maggie and eleven days since she got rejected. 

To be completely fair, Alex knows why Maggie said what she did. She knows why Maggie thinks it’s a bad idea to get involved. She knows she’s _fresh of the boat_ , and she knows it might make Maggie feel like she only wants to be with her because it’s all new and exciting. 

But Alex also knows it’s not like that at all.

Alex has always felt things deeply, has always been very in touch with her emotions and feelings. She’s never doubted anything she felt and always went with it. She knows when her feelings are real and when they are not. 

These are so, _so_ real. 

She just doesn’t know how to let Maggie know or how to prove to her that she wants this—wants her. 

But maybe she shouldn’t. Because, because of all of this she’s forgetting Maggie just got out of a relationship, got called all these awful things, got her heart broken. And maybe Maggie is scared, because maybe she does like Alex and she doesn’t want to get hurt again, so she wants Alex to be absolutely sure that this is what she wants. 

So, Alex understands. 

It doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though. It doesn’t mean she can stop thinking about Maggie or their kiss or the way she held her elbows and leaned into it and said _wow_. It doesn’t mean she can forget how she called her _Alex_ instead of Danvers, or how she smiled at her and how proud she was of Alex telling Kara. 

She can’t forget how humiliating it felt to have Maggie turn her down, how heart breaking it was to hear the words _as a friend_ , while all she wants is to kiss Maggie. 

She remembers wanting to yell at Maggie that she doesn’t want to be her friend, she doesn’t want shiny. She wants real and pure and just _Maggie_. She remembers wanting to argue that she wasn’t a teenager anymore, that she knows what love and being in love feels like—until she remembers that she doesn’t. 

Not really.

She doesn’t know what it feels like, because she’s never felt it before. She’s never felt the butterflies people talk about, or the clammy hands and racing heart. The shaky knees and the lump in her throat. Never once in her life has she felt like she wanted to share everything with someone, wanted to actually be with someone. 

Until now. 

Until Maggie. 

Now she might have an idea about what being in love is like. And the thought of it never going anywhere breaks her heart more than she’d like to admit. 

 

xxx

 

Nineteen days. 

Nineteen days of avoiding Maggie, ignoring her texts and calls and quickly leaving any room Maggie enters. She’s getting quite some weird looks at the DEO, because Alex Danvers has never acted this weird before. Only Kara knows why she’s acting this way (and maybe J’onn has an idea, too) and Alex would like to keep it this way. 

The only time she ever interacts with Maggie is during work and even then it’s only strictly about the case and only when it’s _really_ necessary. 

To be honest, it’s getting harder to ignore Maggie’s hurt expression on her face whenever Alex shuts her down, or whenever Alex pretends she doesn’t see Maggie when they cross paths in the hallway. It’s also getting harder ignoring her calls and texts, because she wants to talk to Maggie, but she doesn’t know how and she doesn’t know what to say.

They can’t just go back to being friends, right? At least, Alex can’t. She can’t just go back to acting like that kiss never happened, like her feelings aren’t out in the open right now and Maggie hasn’t crushed her heart in only a few seconds. 

She can’t just talk to her. Hell, she can’t even look at her without hurting. Luckily she’s always been kind of good at hiding how she feels, at not letting anyone know what’s going on inside her head, so whenever they have to work on some alien-case together, Alex is pretty good at putting on a mask and pretending she’s doing okay. At least until she’s able to leave and let the fake smile drop. 

So, nineteen days. 

Kara thinks she’s being pathetic. She tells her to man up and just talk to Maggie. As if it’s that simple. 

(Well, it actually is). 

(Or not).

xxx

 

Kara wordlessly hands her her phone that’s been on the table the whole evening—ringing and going off. 

Alex knows it’s Maggie. 

She hasn’t really stopped trying reaching out to her. Texting her, sometimes calling her as well; telling her she’s worried and that she just wants to know if she’s okay. Alex has been ignoring her for all these days, yet she still keeps trying to get a hold of her. 

“Maybe you should just—“ 

“No,” 

“Alex,” Kara says, voice soft, “you haven’t spoken to her in weeks. Just let her know you’re okay,” 

Alex throws her phone next to her on the couch and runs her hands through her hair, “But I’m not, Kara,” she mumbles, “I’m not.” 

 

xxx

 

Alex is working late. 

She does that sometimes, when she needs some alone time and doesn’t really want to think. On days like that, she stays late at the DEO and finishes some paperwork, looks into some files, cleans things up a bit. Everything just because she doesn’t want to be back at her apartment, so she doesn’t have to think about anything, not really. 

She’s basically the only one left tonight, if you don’t count the night staff and J’onn.   
She might be here all night, just pass out right here. She kind of likes the idea of that, of not having to go back tonight. Not having to sleep in her bed alone with her thoughts. 

She glances at her phone quickly, noticing it’s 11:52 PM, noticing she has one unread message. From Maggie. It surprises her a little, to be honest, because it’s been a while since Maggie texted her. And normally she doesn’t want to read her texts, normally she doesn’t feel the need to reply or just respond in any way.

But now she can’t really help herself as she reaches for her phone and quickly unlocks it to read Maggie’s text. 

**Maggie (11:50 PM):** Can we talk? 

It takes her a while before she knows what to reply. She puts her phone down on the desk and rests her forehead in her palm while the other hand mindlessly taps her desk a few times. Then she sighs, runs her hands through her hair, sighs again. What is she supposed to reply? Then she just settles for the simple truth. 

**Alex (11:56 PM):** I’m still at the DEO.

After locking her phone and putting it away, she freezes—realizing she actually _replied_ to one of Maggie’s texts. This must have been the first time in thirty-two days. She can’t believe she’s gone a month without talking to her, without being in her presence and without hugging her. 

When she thinks back to the hug she shared with Maggie, she can’t help but smile softly. And—

“I know,” 

Alex twirls around on her chair and grips the arm rests tightly, knuckles turning white.   
“What are you doing here?” 

It slips out before she realizes she’s not really supposed to say anything. Or maybe she is, but she just didn’t really plan on it. Because she wasn’t prepared for Maggie still being here and Maggie approaching her. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” 

It doesn’t sound like an accusation, she doesn’t sound like she’s trying to mean. She’s just stating facts and Alex knows this. She knows she doesn’t have anything to defend herself with, so she sighs.

“I—Yeah,” 

Maggie’s eyes widen slightly and she raises her eyebrows, only for a second, before she replies, “No denying?” 

She could tell Maggie that she’s not a child, that she’s got nothing to deny, that it’s useless to deny what’s so, so obvious. But instead she just shrugs and looks away, back to her paperwork. Back to her distraction. Because looking at Maggie reminds her of _that_ and it just hurts. 

“Alex,” 

At that, Alex looks back up to meet her gaze and she immediately wishes she hadn’t. _Pity_. That’s the first thing she sees. She would’ve expected better from her. She would’ve expected Maggie knows how it feels, how _she_ feels. 

Maggie tentatively takes a few steps closer, but stops as soon as she sees Alex’ body tensing, hands clenching even further around the arm rests of her chair. She sighs. 

“What do you want, Maggie?” 

It’s silent for a while and Alex starts to think Maggie is going to turn back around and leave, but instead she walks forward until she can lean against her desk. She tilts her head to try and meet Alex’ gaze, but the latter won’t budge and keeps staring at the paperwork on her desk. 

“What I want doesn’t matter, Danvers,” she replies, voice gentle, “the only thing that matters is that you’re doing okay,” 

Alex feels like her heart is about to give up on her, but she swallows and nods, “I’m fine,” 

“Fine usually means anything but that,” 

“Just drop it, Maggie,” 

Alex turns away from her and goes back to her job. It’s nearing midnight now and maybe she does want to go home. Maybe being alone in her bed is better than being here with her. Maybe it’ll hurt less not having her around instead of having her right next to her. 

“Come on, Alex,” 

And now Alex’ heart skips a beat. It always does when she calls her _Alex_. 

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Alex says, desperate. 

“I want my friend back,” Maggie says, and Alex almost flinches at the use of the word friend, because she doesn’t want to be Maggie’s friend. She also decides to not be immature and tell her that she thought Maggie said she didn’t know what she wants. 

But even before Alex can say anything, Maggie cuts her off. 

“And I know you need time, Danvers,” she says, “but I haven’t spoken to you in over a month and I miss you,” 

And even though Alex knows it’s purely platonic, she can’t help but blush slightly at Maggie’s words. And even though it’s platonic, she misses her and she isn’t afraid to admit that. So maybe Alex should admit it too. 

“I miss you, too,” 

“Then why are we doing this?” 

Alex shrugs, “I just need time,” 

Maggie slightly reaches out, but then changes her mind and pulls her hand back, before replying, “Okay,” 

 

xxx

 

Things don’t really change after that. 

Or, well, they do. Because they say hi to each other when they cross paths, they can be in the same room as one another, Alex doesn’t feel like she’s about to collapse when Maggie looks at her and she answers Maggie’s texts. 

So maybe things do change after all. 

 

xxx

 

Alex starts to feel better around Maggie. 

More like she can breathe again and less like she’s about to collapse at any given moment. She simply starts to feel more comfortable again. Not comfortable enough to make jokes and look at Maggie for too long, but just simply to be around her and not only talk about work anymore. Even though, whenever Alex feels like Maggie’s about to bring up the kiss, she can’t help but tense and flee. It’s just what she does best. 

Unsurprisingly, tonight is one of those nights again and when Maggie approaches her, Alex hastily turns around to walk towards her office to get her stuff and go. But Maggie Sawyer wouldn’t be Maggie Sawyer if she didn’t put up a fight. 

So when she tries to close the door behind her and Maggie’s hand slams into it as she tries to stop it from slamming closed in her face, Alex nearly flinches. _Nearly_. But she’s still secret agent Alex Danvers who fights aliens on a daily basis, so she has to keep her façade up. 

She has to keep herself from rolling her eyes as she reaches her desk and turns around to face Maggie. The look on the cop’s face isn’t quite what Alex was expecting, because, honestly, she was expecting anger and fury. Not Maggie looking like a kicked puppy. 

“Detective Sawyer,” she then says, refusing to give in to her rapidly beating heart, “what can I do for you?” 

“Cut the crap, Danvers,” she mutters, running her hand through her hair as she shuts the door behind her. 

Alex tilts her head and frowns, “Excuse me?”

“I—“ Maggie sighs, cuts herself off, “We need to talk,” 

“We don’t,”

Alex is afraid Maggie’s going to burst, because her jaw clenches and her hands ball into fists and she’s not sure this is going to end well. But she’s not going to back down, because she’s just protecting herself from getting hurt even more.

“Alex—“ 

“No,” she cuts her off, grabbing her jacket and shrugging it on, “I wouldn’t know what there is left to say. You were very clear,” 

“Apparently not, if you—“

“Look, Maggie, I just don’t want to do this right now, okay? I’m tired and I am meeting up with someone, somewhere.”

At that, Maggie’s glare seems to soften and she bites her lip, almost as if she’s scared. “Do you—Do you have a date?” 

And Alex doesn’t. She really doesn’t. She’s honestly just having a movie night with Kara, but for some reason she doesn’t feel like clearing things up. So she rolls with it. 

“Yes, I do,” she says, eyes hardening, “I’m _experiencing it_ ,” 

She tries not to think back at how she felt when Maggie told her that. To experience it for herself, and not just to be with her. She really tries, but it doesn’t work. Because she averts her gaze from Maggie’s and grabs her phone from her desk. 

“And now I really have to go,” 

Maggie just nods and takes a step aside, just as Alex passes her. Alex tries not to look back, tries not to pay attention to Maggie’s burning gaze on the back of her head as she walks out of her office, as she walks away. 

 

xxx

 

Alex feels like shit. 

Mostly because Maggie _looks_ like shit and she’s not her usual self. They don’t even have to talk for Alex to know something has changed. And if she’s being honest with herself, she thinks she knows what did. But it just doesn’t make any sense to her, because Maggie didn’t want to be with her?

So why would she be upset over Alex going on a date? That wasn’t even actually a real date. Even though she doesn’t know that. Which only makes Alex feel worse, because why did she do that? 

(Because she was hurt. Because she was upset.)

But she can’t help but feel bad, because right now Maggie is sitting on a bench, alone, looking miserable. And even though she flashes smiles at people passing her and talking to her, it slips off way too fast to have been a genuine smile. And it makes Alex’ heart hurt even more. 

That’s why she slowly makes her way over towards the Latina and when she’s close enough, she carefully says, “Sawyer,” 

It makes Maggie’s head shoot up and she smiles, for a second, before her face drops and her gaze softens. She doesn’t really say anything, just nods in acknowledgement and when Alex motions to the spot beside her she nods again. 

“Are you okay?” 

She’s not sure why she’s asking, because she’s supposed to be distant and she’s supposed to be trying to keep herself from getting hurt. But Maggie is so important to her and more than anything else she just wants her to be happy. 

So when Maggie shrugs and tells her, “I just didn’t really get any sleep last night,” she sighs. She doesn’t want her to feel bad. And knowing she might have been a part of this only makes things worse. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

And Maggie actually _snorts_ , “Why do you care, Danvers?”

Alex is taken aback, because she’s not used to this Maggie. She’s used to the playful Maggie who teases her and is there for her and is gentle with her. Not the Maggie who keeps _her_ an arm’s length away and who acts like _she_ doesn’t care. 

“I—I’ve always cared,”

“Have you?” 

Alex sighs, rubs her neck, “I am _trying_ here, Maggie,” 

“I know,” Maggie says, shifting a little so she faces Alex, “I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay,” 

“I’m not talking about right now, Danvers,” 

_Oh_. Crap. 

Alex knows she can’t run. Not again. Not anymore. She knows they’re bound to talk things through at some point and now may as well be the right time. Because she misses Maggie and if being her friend is all she gets, she’ll take it. 

“Well, I’m sorry, too,” Alex says, silently, “for avoiding you and.. stuff,” 

Maggie sighs, “I just—Can I talk without you interrupting me or running away?” 

“Yeah,” Alex chuckles slightly and feels her cheeks heat up just a tad, “I promise,” 

They sit in silence for a while and Alex just simply stares at Maggie, because she’s beautiful ( _so beautiful_ ) and she seems to be thinking about something and it makes that cute frown appear on her face and Alex realizes, once again, she’s a complete goner. 

“I meant what I said, that night,” she says and Alex quickly looks away, because she cannot stand to hear these words once more. 

But then Maggie reaches out and rests her hand on Alex’ knee and the latter freezes, because Maggie is touching her and she’s so close and she smells nice and _Jesus fuck, get a grip of yourself, Danvers_. 

“But I think you got me wrong,” 

At this, Alex frowns. Got her wrong? 

“How can I get you wrong? You just don’t like me and that’s—“ 

“Danvers,” she snaps, successfully cutting Alex off, “you promised you wouldn’t interrupt me,” 

“Sorry,” she mumbles, blushing slightly. She does that a lot around Maggie, she noticed. 

Maggie takes a deep breath and pulls her hand back from Alex’ knee, the latter trying not to pout at the loss of contact. She stares at the detective again, because honestly, how can she not? It’s just so nerve-wrecking to sit here while Maggie has all these things she wants to say and Alex has no idea what these things are. 

“Look,” Maggie starts, not meeting Alex’ gaze and just staring at the floor, “I never said your feelings weren’t reciprocated. What I meant was,” she hesitates once more, and Alex really isn’t used to seeing Maggie like this, “I just meant that it wasn’t the right time for us. You had just come out and I just got _dumped_.” 

And Alex sighs, because she knows. 

“I never—I didn’t—“

Maggie seems to be losing her cool, so Alex carefully reaches out and rests her hand on both of Maggie’s, letting her know she’s here and she’s not going anywhere. Letting her know she’s okay, that they will be okay. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know?” Maggie says, now looking up into her eyes, “that’s just what I was trying to avoid.” 

“I know, Maggie,”

“I just don’t want to be the _new and shiny_ , you know what I mean? I’ve been that so many times and I can’t handle that with you.” 

And then it hits her even more. Maggie is just scared. Scared of getting hurt. Again. Scared Alex will leave her when she finds someone else, someone _better_. Scared Alex will also think she’s insensitive and obsessed with work and borderline sociopathic. 

“You’re not,” Alex says, voice even and fierce, “you’re underestimating yourself, Sawyer. And you’re underestimating _me_.”

“Alex—“ 

“No,” she says, “I’m not a _kid_ , okay? I know a great person when I see one,” 

Maggie’s eyes snap up to meet hers and there’s a small smile on her lips, barely noticeable if Alex wasn’t paying this much attention. But Alex misses her wide grin that makes her dimples show, misses the spark in her eye when she sees Alex and misses the _Danvers_ rolling off her tongue like it’s meant to be there. 

“Can we just,” Maggie starts, hesitates, waits, “be friends, for now? And then we’ll see? I just—I want you to be sure,” 

The _that I am what you want_ goes unsaid. 

And Alex nods, because she understands, because she cares. 

“Good, because I still owe you a drink,” 

 

xxx

 

Things go relatively well after that. 

Alex goes back to actually answering Maggie’s texts, sometimes they even call and chat for a bit. They catch up on their lives at the bar, because Alex couldn’t not go back. She missed everything about it, but she sure as hell missed Maggie most. And playing pool with Maggie. Even though the detective really sucks at it. 

Kara isn’t quite happy with the new developments, so to say. Or, she’s rather protective, really. Swears to God she’ll swing her into space if she has to. At least, that’s what she said. But Alex was quick to reassure her that Maggie means well and they’re just friends. She didn’t mention that they’ll see what happens later. 

But she’s happy things are going better. Sometimes things are still kind of awkward, but then Maggie cracks a joke or Alex changes the subject and things are okay again. Alex tries not to pay attention to Maggie’s lingering eyes or the way her smile only widens when Alex blushes or gets flustered. She tries not to pay attention to how Maggie sometimes almost reaches out to grab her hand or touch her forearm or almost puts her hand on her lower back to guide her somewhere. She ignores the flutter in her chest when Maggie opens the door for her or helps her putting on her jacket. 

She just tries to not fall in love with Maggie Sawyer. 

Which is kind of impossible, really. 

But she manages. Because sometimes when she’s out, there are women who smile at her and wink at her and buy her a drink. It’s never really more than that, but it’s nice. It’s welcome. Alex doesn’t really have anything to worry about, so she tries flirting with them and she feels great when she gets them flustered. 

At one point, there’s this woman who asks for her number and after a minute of thinking she wordlessly writes down the few digits on a coaster, handing it over to her before telling her goodnight. 

They go out a few times and it’s nice. The woman doesn’t make any moves on her and Alex feels good. Fair enough, they flirt a little and when she’s with her she doesn’t really necessarily think about Maggie that much anymore. 

So she keeps seeing her. 

 

xxx

 

When Kara asks her if she’s her girlfriend, Alex doesn’t really know what to say. 

Because she’s not. But they _are_ kind of dating and Alex might start to like her. Which is bad, because she’s still hung up on Maggie and it’s not fair to either of them. So she doesn’t know what to do. Which is why she asks her sister for help. 

She fumbles with her hands and sighs and bites her lip, before spilling the words and she doesn’t even dare to look at her sister. But Kara is great and understanding and she holds Alex’ hands and kisses her head and says all the right things. 

As always. 

Because she’s her sister and because she understands her. 

Because she knows her inside-out. 

 

xxx

 

Alex has another date. 

With another woman, because she’s broke things off after her conversation with Kara. It wasn’t right. Not that this is right, but at least she has been upfront with this one before they started anything. She told her she has feelings for someone else, but just wants to have some fun. 

And she was okay with that. 

So when she meets up with Raven that night and she holds her hand and leans against her, Alex is totally fine with it. Because she knows it’s a one-time thing and she knows it doesn’t have to mean anything. Which is great. 

Raven buys her drinks and tells her stupid jokes that make her cheeks hurt from laughing, she is actually interested in her and asks her questions about her life. They even talk about Maggie for a while (and Alex tries desperately not to let the hurt show, but somehow Raven notices because she orders another round of shots for the two of them) and talk about Kara and their jobs. (Not the DEO. Just the FBI). 

When they leave the bar at the end of the night, Raven offers to walk her home and Alex gladly accepts. Because, honestly, she can’t really stand up straight any longer and she _might_ have had too much to drink. But Raven isn’t that much better off. She’s swaying a little and her words are slurred, but she’s still got a firm grip on Alex’ hand and luckily they both still know where they’re going. 

It’s just _fun_. 

During their walk Alex asks her about her family and if she’s always known she’s gay. She shares a little bit of her own coming out story, about how she only recently came to terms with her own sexuality. 

(“After meeting her?” 

“Yeah,”)

Raven seems to understand exactly what she’s going through and that makes Alex feel better, because she’s not alone. She has someone who understands her and knows what it’s like. 

So as they reach Alex apartment building, Raven turns towards her and smiles that cute smile she always does when Alex is looking at her. They don’t really say anything, just that they had a nice evening and they’re glad they met each other. 

But then Raven’s hand is cupping Alex’ cheek and even though she’s expecting it, she still flinches a little when their lips meet in a soft kiss that soon turns a little more heated when both Raven’s hands tangle in Alex’ locks. Alex grips her hips, because she needs to hold on to something and relaxes against Raven’s mouth, melts into her touch. 

As they break apart, a smile appears on both their faces and Raven chuckles. 

“Now you’re not so _fresh off the boat_ anymore,” she laughs, taking a step back. 

And Alex _laughs_. She laughs so hard her head falls back. Because for some reason this actually made her happy and Raven is just a great friend. Because Alex is sure they can be that. Even though they just kissed, they can totally be friends. 

And that’s exactly what she tells her. Raven nods and kisses her cheek, before bidding her goodnight and turning to leave. 

It’s only when Alex turns around to enter the building that she notices the person leaning against the wall next to the door, head down and hands in the pockets of her jeans. It’s a sad sight, honestly, and the first thought that crosses Alex’ mind is _how long has she been standing there_. 

When she gets closer, she clears her throat and can’t help but sway a little, because her last drinks are only getting to her now and it’s fucking annoying. And when Maggie looks up she’s totally sure she’s way past drunk, because she swears Maggie’s seconds away from crying. 

But then the Latina blinks and her gaze is back to her natural soft it always is when she looks at Alex. 

“Danvers,” she says, but it isn’t as cheery as it usually is and it misses the _dimples_. 

“Dimples,” she answers, before messily correcting herself, “I mean, Danvers—Sawyer, I mean Sawyer,”

And _that_ does the trick, because now Maggie is grinning and there are dimples and Alex feels like poking them, so she does. She sticks her finger out and pokes Maggie right in the dimple, only making the woman shake her head with a small laugh. 

“You’re so gone,” 

“I might be a _little_ drunk,” Alex admits, closing the distance between them and keeping her finger on Maggie’s cheek. 

Maggie just nods and grabs her wrist, pulling her finger away. Then she keeps a hold of her wrist as she looks at her. Alex has no idea how long they’re standing there, just looking at each other, but she can’t help but let her gaze drop to Maggie’s lips and she can’t help but notice how small Maggie actually is. 

“You’re so _tiny_ ,” 

“Nerd,” Maggie mutters, before pulling Alex into her apartment building, “let’s just get you upstairs,”

“I’m glad you’re here, Maggie,” Alex mutters as Maggie drags her into the elevator, “Wait, why are you here?”

“I—Your sister told me you were out, so I just wanted to check you got home safe,” Maggie says, but Alex feels like that’s not the whole truth, “guess you did.”

“Yeah,” Alex says, dopey smile on her face, not really grasping that Maggie is sort of upset, “Raven is great,” 

Maggie doesn’t respond to that and just taps her foot on the floor until they reach Alex’ floor. It doesn’t really take long to get to Alex’ front door and when they reach it Maggie takes the key from her and opens her front door, carefully guiding her inside by the small of her back. 

“I’m glad you’re here, Dimples,” Alex says, shrugging her jacket off and kicking her shoes somewhere, “I mean _Maggie_ ,” 

“Are you?” 

“Yeah,” she breathes, leaning against the back of her couch, and then, “I’m tired,” 

“You should go to sleep, then,” 

“Help?” 

Maggie’s eyes widen, just slightly, before she takes a step closer, “You need help?” 

“Mhm,” 

Alex pushes herself off the couch, clumsily, before walking towards her and dragging her towards the bedroom by her hand, their fingers slightly tangled together. At one point Alex lets go of her hand and tries to take her shirt off while walking into her bedroom but stumbles into the doorpost, making Maggie chuckle. 

“Easy, Danvers,” 

She guides Alex inside by her hips and carefully helps her strip off her shirt, keeping her gaze away from her bare back. She walks over towards Alex’ closet and searches for something to sleep in, finally settling on a shirt and some shorts she finds. When she turns back towards Alex, she’s halfway out of her pants and she’s obviously struggling. 

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Maggie mutters, walking over to Alex with the clothes in one hand, the other already reaching out to push the taller woman down on the bed, “please, just sit. You’re useless right now,” 

Maggie tries not to focus on anything other than changing Alex’ clothes, because this wouldn’t be appropriate and she doesn’t want to take advantage of her, because she’s obviously not in the right state of mind. So she just tugs Alex’ pants down her legs and when they get stuck around her ankles, they both laugh quietly. 

“When I imagined you undressing me it wasn’t like this at _all_ ,” Alex mutters.

And Maggie almost doesn’t catch the words. But she does. And she freezes. Because holy shit, Alex has imagined this before? She needs a second to get herself together, before she rips Alex’ pants from around her ankles and gets to her feet, their eyes meeting immediately. 

“I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?” 

Maggie just shakes her head and hands her the shorts and shirt, telling her to get changed. She turns around and waits patiently, arms crossed over her chest, as she thinks back to Alex’ words. Alex just stares at Maggie’s back while taking her bra off and dragging the shirt over her head. She leaves the shorts on the floor and crawls under her blanket, calling for Maggie when she’s about all cuddled into her covers. 

The Latina turns around and smiles at the sight of Alex all exhausted and cuddly. When she tells her goodnight and makes her move to leave the room, Alex calls her back. 

“Maggie, wait,” 

And Maggie does, because she’s whipped like that, “Yeah?” 

“Goodnight kiss?” 

Alex doesn’t know why she’s asking, she doesn’t know why she’s being this way (fair enough, she’s drunk, but normally she’s never like _this_ ) and it’s all just way too weird. But it’s too late to take her words back and Maggie is looking at her as if she hung the starts in the sky and Alex realizes it doesn’t hurt. 

But that may be the alcohol talking.

Maggie doesn’t say anything, she just walks closer to the bed and sits down on the edge closest to Alex. Her hand finds Alex’ and it’s almost like she’s actually considering kissing her, but Alex knows deep down that Maggie’s way too good to kiss her when she’s drunk like this. Maggie always takes such good care of her and she’s always so kind and gentle and _kind_ and—

“You’re going to hate yourself in the morning, Danvers,” 

“I don’t care, because I’m still going to be in love with you,” 

Maggie stops the caressing of Alex’ hand and swallows. She wasn’t expecting a drunk confession, just like Alex wasn’t planning on confessing anything. So, it’s safe to say there’s a tense silence hanging over the two of them. Until Maggie leans closer and hovers over her face for a little while, checking her face, glancing down at her lips and back up to her eyes. 

Alex’ one hand is carefully wrapped in one of Maggie’s own, while her other hand rests on her hip and slowly rubs the soft skin where her shirt has gone up. It sends a shiver down Maggie’s spine and she can’t help but close her eyes for a second, savouring the moment- taking it all in. 

And Alex closes her eyes, too, because she really thinks Maggie is going to kiss her. She really thinks it’s going to happen and even though she’s drunk and will be super hangover in the morning, she is living for this moment and she needs it to happen and—

Maggie doesn’t kiss her. 

She just presses a soft, gentle kiss to her forehead and whispers a _goodnight_. 

 

xxx

 

When Alex wakes the next morning she thinks she’s fine. 

At first. Because she’s still laying down with her eyes closed and she hasn’t moved a muscle. Which is probably a good thing, because she might vomit as soon as she moves. She knows, because it has happened before. 

She doesn’t really remember drinking that much. But she does remember Raven. And kissing Raven. She’s not quite sure how she got home, because she thinks Raven might have brought her home, but then she also vaguely remembers Maggie getting her upstairs, so it’s all quite confusing. 

When she finally gets the courage to sit up, she sees two bottles of water on her nightstand and some painkillers and she internally thanks the Gods (aka Maggie) for thinking about her hangover. She quickly downs the pills (because _damn you, headache_ ) and then grabs her phone checking her messages. One from Kara and two from Maggie. How surprising. 

**Kara (8:23 AM):** I hope your date was okay last night? Did you get home safe? Call me. 

**Maggie (2:03 AM):** I just got home and I hope you’re sleeping. I put some water and painkillers on yr nightstand. Make sure to have some breakfast and text me when you wake up. 

**Maggie (9:54 AM):** You alive, Danvers? I’m coming over around noon to check on you.

And when Alex glances at the time on her phone she almost jumps up out of bed, because holy shit she only has an hour left to get ready before Maggie’s here. So she rushes through her morning routine and gets breakfast with her hair still wrapped in a towel, because multi-tasking is a thing. After that she simply puts her dishes in the sink and rushes back towards the bathroom, throwing the first outfit on she can find and quickly doing her hair. 

She also decides to call Kara in the midst of it all, because else her sister will literally fly here and she’ll get the worst of it. And she’s not sure she wants that right now, not while she’s stressing herself out over Maggie. Because _Maggie_ was in her apartment and she has no idea what has happened. Or maybe she does, but she’s not quite sure. 

During her call with Kara she curls her hair a little (only burning her fingers twice) and tries to find some matching socks, all while Kara won’t let go why Maggie was in her apartment. 

(“So, why was she there?”

“I don’t know,” 

“Did you talk?” 

“That’s what people do, Kara. They talk. Like you and I, right now.”

“No, no, I mean, _talk_ ,” 

“I don’t know,”

“But if you didn’t talk, then why was she _there_?”)

When she finally hangs up she rushes back towards the bathroom to brush her teeth and just as she’s finished there’s two short knocks on the door. Maggie. 

Alex rushes towards the door, takes two deep breaths and then swings it open, smiling bashfully as she looks at the woman in front of her. Her eyes are sparkling and there’s a nervous smile on her face. Alex takes a step aside and motions for her to get in, slowly closing the door behind her. 

“How are you feeling?” Maggie asks, taking her jacket off and hanging it over the back of the couch.

Alex laughs, “I’m okay, headache’s fine. Thanks for the water and the pills,” 

“Anytime,” she says, “I’m just glad you’re not dead,” 

“That bad?” 

“Pretty bad,” 

They laugh and Alex is pretty sure she’s about to explode. She offers Maggie something to drink and when they’re settled on the couch five minutes later conversation actually flows fluently and Alex feels great. But then she notices Maggie’s gaze dropping to her lips while she’s telling a funny story and she falters, stops talking. 

Maggie seems to snap back out of her trance and glances away, before looking back up to meet Alex’ worried gaze. 

“You okay?” 

Maggie smiles at it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it does things to Alex’ heart and she can’t help but reach out to touch Maggie’s hand. It simply rests on top of the detective’s, nothing more, but it sends shivers down her spine. 

“Yeah,” Maggie says, glancing at their hands, “I just—Need to talk to you,” 

“About?” 

The Latina seems to hesitate again, before speaking, “Last night. You said some things.”

And Alex’ heart stops beating, because what the hell did she say? What the hell did she let out that causes Maggie this much stress? That causes her to _needing to talk_? Her questions must have been visible on her face, because Maggie smiles reassuringly and flips her hand so their palms are now touching and she can squeeze Alex’ hand. 

“Nothing bad, I promise,” she says.

“Okay, so what is it then?” 

“I—You said some things, last night, and I just want to talk about it, I guess.” 

Alex’s heart stops, “What did I say, exactly?”

And Maggie chuckles. She actually, honest to God, chuckles and it melts Alex’ heart, because it’s the cutest thing in the world and she would do anything to hear it again. But then Maggie’s eyes find hers again and the air is knocked out of Alex’ lungs, because she’s so beautiful and she just seems so, so vulnerable. 

“Well, first of all, you called me Dimples—“

“—I _didn’t_ —“

“You did,” Maggie says with a small grin on her face, “but that was cute though, don’t worry.” 

“Okay, so what’s next? I didn’t poke your dimples, did I?” 

And Maggie doesn’t even have to say anything for Alex to have her answer, because there’s a small blush creeping up Maggie’s cheeks and Alex groans. She’s so embarrassing. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, trying not to run, because she is so embarrassed. 

Maggie shrugs, “Don’t worry, Alex, really.” 

“Okay,” Alex mutters, “what else did I say?” 

Alex didn’t know it was possible, but Maggie’s blush only seems to deepen as she averts her gaze from Alex’. She didn’t even know Maggie was capable of blushing, let alone twice in just a few minutes. 

“I—You—“ Maggie sighs, frustrated, looking for words. 

“Please tell me,” Alex pleads, threading their fingers together unknowingly. 

Maggie glances down at their hands and a small smile appears on her face, before she talks, “I—Well, I said you’d hate yourself in the morning and then you said you didn’t care because you’d still be in love with me,” 

Alex can’t help but scoot back on the couch, pulling her hand out of Maggie’s. She tries not to notice the disappointment on Maggie’s face as she does so, but she just—how could she be this stupid? Now she’s ruined everything and she’s probably lost Maggie as her friend and—

“I’m _so_ sorry,” Alex mutters, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just drunk and it—it didn’t necessarily mean anything, I mean, we’re friends and I—I just, you know,” 

Maggie nods, more to herself than anything else, “So, you didn’t mean it,”

“ _No_ —I mean, yes, I mean,” she sighs, runs her hands through her hair and rubs her eyes, “I do mean it, Maggie,”

“So what _is_ it, Alex?” Maggie asks, desperation laced through her voice, “because I am going crazy here,” 

“ _You_ are going crazy?” Alex snaps, raising her voice, “Are you kidding me?” 

Maggie sighs and reaches for Alex’ hand again, but the latter jumps up from the couch and takes a few steps away, eyes wide and scared, breathing heavy. She can’t help but look at Maggie, because she’s beautiful and she _knows_ and it’s absolutely terrifying. 

“How are _you_ the one going crazy when _you_ are the one who wanted to be friends in the first place?” Alex asks, voice angry, eyes wet, “I never asked for any of this. _You’re_ the one who thought I would get bored of you. You’re the one who thought I didn’t know what I want, who thought I wasn’t ready and who thought we wouldn’t work out,” 

“Because we wouldn’t have, Alex,” Maggie yells, but remaining seated on the couch. “I was hurt and I just wanted you to be sure that I was what you wanted,” 

Alex actually groans now, “But I _am_ ,”

“What?” 

“I am sure,” Alex says again, calmer this time, walking back towards the couch, towards Maggie, “I am sure that you are what I want,” 

“But I’m—me,” 

Alex’ heart breaks at that, because of course Maggie doesn’t see how amazing she actually is and how wonderful and precious she is. Of course she thinks less of herself. Of fucking course. 

“Maggie,” she mutters, sitting back down and grabbing both her hands, “you’re so amazing,” 

“I’m not,” she says, and it doesn’t sound sad, just more like she actually believes it’s the truth—like it’s a fact, “I’m insensitive and obsessed with work and socio—“ 

“Shut up, you idiot,” Alex snaps, cutting her off, “You care so much and you’re always gentle with me. You always make sure I’m okay and comfortable and you always make sure I’m happy,” she says, making sure Maggie hears every word by looking her straight in the eye, “you _love_ your job and you love _doing_ your job, so of course you spend a lot of time on it, but so do I and I understand. I understand the many hours you need to work and the stress and, just, everything,” she squeezes her hands and takes a breath, “and you sure as hell are not sociopathic. You wouldn’t even hurt a fly. Hell, you look like a kicked puppy when you hurt _me_ , and you even meant it well,” 

“Maybe I just have a soft spot for you,” Maggie whispers, tears brimming her eyes. 

Alex has never seen her cry before. She has never seen Maggie this emotional and it tears her apart, because she wants to hold her and she wants to make her feel better, but she’s not sure it’s acceptable and she’s not sure how. So she just keeps holding onto her hands and when a tear rolls down Maggie’s cheek, she quickly wipes it away with her thumb. 

“Don’t cry,” Alex whispers, scooting a little closer, “you’re okay,” 

“I’m so sorry, Alex,” Maggie admits, wiping her own eyes and sniffing a little, “for hurting you. And being difficult,” 

Alex shakes her head softly, tucking a strand of Maggie’s hair behind her ear and letting her hand linger, “It’s okay, really. You had your reasons.” 

“I never meant to hurt you,” she says, “I also never meant for this conversation to get this emotional and for me to cry like a child, but here we are,” 

She can’t help but laugh as Maggie rolls her eyes to herself, because she’s adorable and Alex is so in love. She’s actually so pathetically in love and she wants to shout it from the rooftops, wants to tell it to the world. 

“I’m in love with you, Sawyer,” Alex says, or more like, blurts out. She doesn’t really think about it. But when Maggie’s widened eyes meet her own, she feels the need to say more, “And I know I might be inexperienced, but I’ve had my fair share of dates and none of them made me feel like you do. And I might have never had a girlfriend before, but I don’t want _new and shiny_. I want you.”

“Alex—“ 

“And I’d wait forever for you,” she says, not letting Maggie speak at all, because she’s so scared, “but just know that I am in love with you and that I want to be with you,”   
And Maggie sobs. 

She actually starts to sob and it only takes Alex two seconds to wrap her up in her arms and hug her tight. Because the woman she loves so dearly is hurting and she can’t do anything else than hold her and stroke her hair, shush her and kiss her head. Maggie clutches onto her shirt and hides her face in the crook of Alex’ neck, cuddling into her as sobs wreck her body. It honestly hurts so much, but Alex refuses to focus on anything else than the crying woman in her arms. 

“You’re okay, Dimples,” 

The nickname actually succeeds to get a small chuckle out of the Latina and Alex smiles, because she did it again. She made her chuckle. This must be one of her favorite sounds in the whole world. 

“I don’t think anyone’s ever cared about me this much,” Maggie admits, face still pressed against Alex’ neck. 

“Well,” Alex mumbles, “I do. So you better get used to it,” 

Maggie slightly pulls back to look at her and her eyes are still wet and she has small tear stains running down her cheek and Alex smiles, because she’s beautiful. 

“You really want this?” Maggie asks, “Me?” 

“I really do,” she admits, “and you? What do you want?” 

Maggie bites her lip, reaches out a hand to stroke Alex’ cheek and leans their foreheads together, “You,” she whispers, “I just want you,” 

And Alex kisses her. She finally kisses her after all these weeks of pining and hurting and missing and it feels amazing. And Maggie kisses her back. She’s now the one who holds Alex’ face with both hands, holds her close, and draws her in. 

And this might just feel like coming home.


End file.
